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First meeting and safety checklist

A first meeting should be short, public and easy to leave. This guide gives you the checks to make before you fly, a plan for the day itself and the steps to take afterwards or when something goes wrong.

Last reviewed: 2026-11-06

A blonde woman in a black and cream lace gown sits at a candle-lit restaurant table with a glass of sparkling water, smiling warmly at the camera
A public restaurant, an evening you can end whenever you want, and a plan for the way home. Illustration generated with AI.

The first meeting is the moment when weeks of messages meet reality. It is also the moment when most of the real risks are concentrated: you are in an unfamiliar place, you may be tired, you are probably emotional and you are about to spend time with a person you know only through a screen. A little structure reduces nearly all of those risks without making the meeting any less warm.

This guide is a checklist, and it is written for both people. Most of it applies to anyone meeting a person from the internet, whatever their nationality, age or gender. It follows the order of events: before you book, before you leave, on the day, and afterwards.

Before you book anything: verify what can be verified

Nothing proves that a person is who they say they are, but several checks together make a good picture. Do them before you spend money on a flight.

  • Several live video calls, not one. Over a few weeks, hold calls of reasonable length at different times of the day. Notice whether the person appears in real time, answers unplanned questions and looks like the photographs.
  • A reverse image search of the photographs. If the same face appears under another name or on a modelling or stock site, the profile is not what it says. A clean result is not proof, but a bad one is a clear answer.
  • Consistency. Name, age, city, job and family details should stay the same from one message to the next. Small differences are human; a large difference with a vague explanation is information.
  • No money. If the person asks for money for any reason before you have met, the question is settled. The reason does not matter: a visa, a ticket, a medical bill or a family emergency.
  • A third party who can see the plan. A friend or relative at home should know the name, the city and the dates before you buy a ticket.

Take the time. A person who wants to meet you will accept a slower pace, and a person who pushes you to hurry is giving you a reason to slow down.

Before you leave: the preparation checklist

Print this section and tick the lines as you finish them.

  • Advisory pages read and dated for every country on the route (see travel advisories).
  • Entry rules checked for both passports (see visas for visiting).
  • Flights and hotel booked on platforms you chose, with cancellation conditions saved.
  • Travel insurance bought, with the written confirmation that it covers the destination.
  • Budget set, with a reserve (see the trip budget planner).
  • Itinerary sent to one trusted person: flights, hotel name and address, meeting date, meeting place, the other person's name and city.
  • A time fixed for you to contact that person every day, and an agreed action if you do not.
  • Passport copy and insurance certificate saved on paper and in a secure place online.
  • Telephone numbers written on paper: the embassy, the local emergency number, your bank, your insurer.
  • Phone ready: data plan or eSIM, offline maps, offline translation, battery charger.
  • Two payment methods in two different places.

The day: how to organise the first meeting

Choose the place together, and choose a public one. A café, a hotel lobby, a restaurant or a museum are better than a private place. The guide on choosing a safe meeting city gives the rules for the venue.

Arrive by your own means and leave by your own means. Travel to the meeting in a taxi you ordered or on public transport you have checked. Do not accept a lift from a person you have not met. If a car is sent for you by a third party, decline.

Tell your contact person where you are, at the start and at the end. A short message is enough. If you move to another place, send another message.

Keep the meeting short at first. Two or three hours in a public place is a good first step. If it goes well, you will have time for more the next day.

Keep your belongings with you. Do not leave your bag, phone or drink unattended. This is advice for any meeting in any city.

Order your own drink and watch it being served. Keep your head clear: alcohol makes every other decision more difficult.

Do not hand over documents, cards or cash. There is no reason to give your passport, your bank card or your phone to someone you have met for an afternoon. If a person insists on being shown your passport, or asks you to withdraw money, leave.

Do not sign anything. A contract with an agency, a lawyer or a “translator” signed under time pressure is the beginning of a very expensive lesson.

Talk about the things that matter. The best use of a first meeting is a long conversation about plans, family, work and where each of you wants to live. If you find that every conversation returns to money or visas, take note.

What the other person may want, too

This guide is written from the traveller’s point of view, but the person you are meeting is also taking a risk. She is meeting a man she knows only by messages, in a place that may be new to her. A good first meeting respects that: a public venue, a clear end time, no pressure about the hotel and no assumption about the evening. If you want the meeting to lead to a relationship, behave as though it already might.

Red flags on the day

What you notice What it can mean What to do
The person is not the one in the photographs A fake profile Leave politely and stop all contact
A third person you did not expect arrives and takes charge A scheme involving an intermediary Decline to go anywhere, end the meeting
You are taken to a place you did not choose Loss of control Insist on the original venue; if refused, leave
A “problem” appears that needs money right now Pressure scheme Do not pay; leave and speak to someone you trust
You are asked to sign a paper or to pay an agency An undeclared commercial arrangement Do not sign; take a copy and take advice
You feel unwell after a drink Possible drugging Ask for help from the staff and call emergency services
The person becomes aggressive when you say no A safety problem Leave, go to a public place, call someone

If something feels wrong, you do not need a proof, and you do not need to be polite for long. Say that you have to go, leave, and send a message to your contact.

If something goes wrong

  1. Move to a safe, public place such as a hotel lobby, a café with staff or a police station.
  2. Call the local emergency number, which you wrote down before you left, and your embassy if you need consular help. The pages we read warn that consular help can be limited in some countries, so use it as early as you can.
  3. Call your bank at once if a card has been used or a payment has been made. A quick call is the best way to limit the damage.
  4. Keep everything: messages, receipts, screenshots, names, telephone numbers and the times of events.
  5. Report it to the fraud authority of your country. The United States has a fraud reporting site at reportfraud.ftc.gov and the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center at ic3.gov. Canada has the Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre. Other countries have equivalents, and your bank can tell you which one.

After the meeting

Give yourself a day. If you are excited, make no decisions on money, visas or promises on the first evening. Write down what you noticed, what felt right and what did not, and compare it with what you had learned in the calls before. If the other person proposes a second meeting, repeat the same logic: a public place, your own transport, a message to your contact.

Remember that a good meeting does not end the verification: it is only another step in it. A relationship that is real will survive being slow.

Where to read more

In the interest of transparency: the publisher of this site, Agence CQMI, also runs a matchmaking agency, and a reader who reads Russian can see the agency page (in Russian). This site does not take payments for introductions, and you should put the questions above to any provider, including that one.

A woman with long dark hair in a black lace gown with an open back steps out of a black taxi on a cobblestone square in front of an old theatre at dusk, holding a clutch
Arrive and leave by transport you chose yourself. Illustration generated with AI.

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